Wash your head of cauliflower well.

Slice the cauliflower in half down the center, so that you are splitting the stem in half too (see photos). Split each half in half again, right down through the stem. Use your knife to slice at an angle to remove the stem entirely from each quarter.

Food processor instructions: Chop the cauliflower into 1 to 2 inch pieces. You don't need to bother keeping the florets intact, you're just going to pulverize them anyway.

Add about 1/3 of the chopped cauliflower to a food processor OR a blender  (but use a food processor if you have it, it will chop more evenly). Pulse in 1 second intervals, until the cauliflower is chopped into pieces about the size of grains of rice. Don't go too crazy. You don't want to accidentally puree your cauliflower! If you are using a blender, you may need to use a spatula to scrape down the sides and pulse again. If the cauliflower gets pretty evenly riced, but there are still a couple big chunks, take the chunks out, chop them a bit smaller, and add it to the next batch.

Remove the cauliflower rice to a large bowl. Repeat with the remaining batches of chopped cauliflower. (If you add too much cauliflower to the machine at once, it will not rice evenly.)

How to rice cauliflower with a box grater: After removing the stem, grate the cauliflower using the biggest holes on your box grater. It will make a mess and you will get cauliflower bits on the floor. Embrace it! Grab the broom! If you don't have a box grater, you could also just use a knife to chop up the cauliflower into rice-sized pieces.

Once all of your cauliflower has been riced, heat a large skillet over medium heat. Add 4 tablespoons of butter. You can use oil if you like; I prefer the taste of butter. If you are watching your calories, you could definitely get away with adding less oil or butter, even down to 1-2 tablespoons. But, um, butter is delicious and I like to be able to taste it.

Once the butter is melted and bubbly, add the cauliflower rice.

Season with 1 teaspoon salt, 1/4 teaspoon pepper, 1 teaspoon garlic powder, and 1/4 teaspoon onion powder. You can use any seasonings and any amount that you want. Remember, some cauliflowers are huge and some are tiny, so use your best judgment when seasoning. 

Sauté for about 5-10 minutes, stirring often with a wooden spoon. How long you cook it really depends on how much cauliflower you have. Taste it; the "grains" should be crisp-tender, just like any sautéed vegetable. If you cook it too long, it will get mushy.

Remove from heat and serve immediately! See above the recipe for lots of ideas for what to serve this with.