Watching Hercules counts as a mythology lesson for kids, right? So I’m good with just calling that homeschool for the day?

But wait! I actually found this Hercules study guide to follow up our film fest with some brain stimulating Greek culture activities.  The study guide is from some school in Britain and must be from a long time ago, because it references CD-ROMs and other ancient practices, like “going to the library to do research.” Ha! Who needs libraries when you have the internet? Everything you read on the internet is truthful, high quality content. Also, going to the library will get you corona’d these days, so we’re staying dumber in the name of health, thankyouverymuch.

Making the kids do the study guide after watching Hercules was my plan when I turned on the movie. That was like 3 days ago. Yesterday I saw a meme that said “I’m homeschooling like that substitute teacher who rolls in the TV for a movie and eats snacks in the back of the class.” Yep, that’s me!!

(more…)

I went for a walk this morning, and randomly decided to start running instead of walking. Look, healthy me! I ran for a little over a mile, and it took me exactly the same amount of time it takes me to walk the same route. How pathetic is that? Maybe “run” is not even the appropriate word here, more like “fast walking with some knee lifting??”

And now here I am hours later. My whole body hurts and I have a legit headache. Anyone who says exercising is good for you clearly hasn’t lived in my body.

I’m know, I know, I’m only kidding, exercise is great, blah blah. But this baby is almost 3 months old now and I’ve got to get my rear in gear or people are going to think I’m pregnant for the rest of my life.

I was reading my friend Christine’s post yesterday about how she makes a habit of exercise. She listed off all the excuses she usually makes for not exercising, like being too tired, or not having time, etc etc. I’ve literally used every single one of the excuses she listed! Am I predictable or what. Isn’t having a bloodsucking newborn baby a good excuse?? I guess not. So knee-lift walking I go!

(more…)

Happy Friday everyone! I know you all might be feeling a little on edge today because of the Coronavirus. I live in Sacramento and our district is shutting down the schools Monday-Wednesday next week to do a deep clean; they said to stay tuned if things change. (Update before I even published this: our district is closed for two weeks.) Eric is working from home. My church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, has shut down all meetings globally.

I’m glad things are shutting down. We can save a lot of lives by self quarantining and slowing the spread (check out this interesting mathematical explanation about exponential growth). We can make a huge difference by washing our hands a lot and not attending large gatherings.

I hope you are feeling okay and not panicking! I’m praying for peace for those who are feeling very stressed about it. The virus is here, and the best thing we can do is stay calm, stay proactive, and be prepared.

The basics I’m buying to keep on hand:

• bread (bread freezes beautifully)
• frozen and canned vegetables
• pasta
• rice
• canned beans
• meat and fish (to store in freezer)

That’s about it. This is in addition to the regular stuff I buy. It’s not like we’re going to be on lock down, and the food industry is not going to stop producing. I just want to minimize trips to the store.

(more…)

Originally Posted February 14, 2017

Truman just learned to potty train (hallelujah) and is now wearing underwear, but he keeps putting it on backwards because the cool pictures of stormtroopers are always on the back and he wants to see them. I explained to him this morning that he can tell where the front of his underwear is because there’s this cool pocket for…well I won’t go into detail, you know what the pocket is for.

But I forgot that Truman is obsessed with pockets. I already have to check every single shirt and pants pocket when doing laundry to make sure there are no broken crayons hidden away.

He just came up to me and said “MOM I FOUND A QUARTER! I put it in my pocket lemme show you.” and reaches his hand down…down…down…

And now I’m just thinking, who even cares if his underwear is backward?? What have I done??

(more…)

Originally published September 9, 2015.

WE BOUGHT A FREAKING HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aaaahhh feelings!

Isn’t it cute? We love it. It’s the perfect size for us, with an awesome backyard that the kids were forced to get to know reeeeal good on Monday when we painted baseboards for 12 hours straight. Baptism by fire baby.

Try to ignore the massive bushes hiding most of the house. That cone tree (that’s what they are officially called, I’m sure) behind the giant bush is like 100 feet tall, no joke. The first thing I thought to myself when we pulled up was, “If I buy this house that tree is the first thing to go.” And literally 30 seconds later we talked to the owner and she told us about how her father had planted that tree a million years ago and it’s Super Special. I don’t know how you could have Super Special feelings about something that ugly but there you have it.

Do you want to hear the sad part? We live in a rental house (we’re moving this weekend) and we love it. We will miss it. But it was time for out landlord to sell, so that means we are moving on too. It was bought by an investor who is going to flip it because have I told you about the carpet in my kitchen? Carpet.in.my.kitchen. I can’t wait to nose my way in on open house day when this baby goes on the market again. It’s gonna be like Ugly Betty gets a makeover. (Am I the only white girl who knows about Ugly Betty? “Soy Betty, la fea.” (Except she’s actually not ugly. Of course. Best telenovella everrrr.)

There is definitely no carpet in our new kitchen, but it does have this:

Is there something wrong with me that I hate this? We were all ready to paint it white on Labor Day, when my real estate agent/cousin/interior designer that I bum ideas off of for free came over to help us pick out paint colors for that dark green wall and told us that she is putting this EXACT fireplace into the dream home that she is building right now.

So what do you think? Should we paint this baby white? Leave it? White wash it? Leave the mantel as wood or paint the whole thing? Obviously the fabric on the built in benches is here to stay. (not)

We move on Saturday. Wish us luck getting my piano that I never play down the front steps and into the truck. It’s going to be so fun!!

How to make Cowboy Pinto Bean Soup (Frijoles Charros)

Now let’s talk Cowboy Bean Soup. This is a classic from my lovely mother-in-law Kris, who is one of the best cooks I know. She’s been making this soup for her family for over 30 years, it is a classic. Over the summer while we were visiting them up in Montana we made my sister’s Tejano Pinto Beans to go with our tacos one night, and everyone said that it reminded them of Cowboy Bean Soup. Indeed, many know it by its Spanish name, Frijoles Charros. I am all over any recipe that can turn the flavor of Laura’s beans into a full blown meal, so this soup is perfect for me. It’s got tons of flavor from the roasted chiles and the bacon, you will love it.

Kris showed me the old cookbook where she got this recipe. She said she didn’t change a thing. Well I know better. I went through every single ingredient just to make sure.

“Did you add extra beans? “No.”
Did you use fresh tomatoes like it says?” “Yes.”
“You use fresh peppers? What kind?”  “Fresh peppers! I never use that! Just throw in a can of diced green chiles.”

And there you have it my friends: more soup lies from my mother-in-law. I think we can forgive her  since she is being awesome enough to share the recipe with us though. Thanks Kris!

More great soup recipes:

• Traditional Tejano Pinto Beans (Slow Cooker): << this is the recipe that reminded my family of Cowboy Bean Soup. It is to-die-for!!
• The Best Chili Recipe I’ve Ever Made (Slow Cooker)
• Cream Cheese Chicken Chili (Slow Cooker): (this is one of the easiest meals of all time)
• Creamy Turkey Wild Rice Soup (Crockpot/Stovetop)
• Chicken Enchilada Soup: << uses masa in the soup to get great texture (masa=stuff corn tortillas are made from)
• Beef Barley Soup (Slow Cooker): << remains as one of the top 5 recipes of all time on The Food Charlatan!
• Drunken Beans (Frijoles Borrachos) from Gimme Some Oven
• Slow Cooker Charro Beans from Five Heart Home
• Chicken and Pinto Bean Soup with Lime and Cilantro from Kalyn’s Kitchen

Facebook | Pinterest | Instagram

print

Did you make this recipe?

Leave a review »

Cowboy Pinto Bean Soup (Slow Cooker)

Serves Serves 10     adjust servings

This hearty Cowboy Pinto Bean Soup (Frijoles Charros) is an old family favorite. Fill the slow cooker with pinto beans, roasted chiles, tomatoes, and, wait for it...BACON. Perfect cozy dinner!

Ingredients

• 5-8 slices of thick-cut bacon, cut into eighths
• 1 large onion, chopped
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 2 cups dry pinto beans, rinsed
• 8 cups water
• 3 Anaheim peppers (or a can of fire-roasted green chilies)
• 3 medium tomatoes, cut into chunks*
• 2 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon chicken bouillon
• salt and pepper to taste
• to garnish: shredded cheese, sour cream, avocados, cilantro, limes, etc.

Instructions

1. In a large soup pot, cook bacon over medium heat until it is crisp.
2. Add onion and saute until it's soft, 5 minutes or so.
3. Add garlic and cook until fragrant, 1 minute or so.
4. Add rinsed beans and water. Bring to a boil over high heat, then reduce to a simmer (there should be some amount of movement). Cover and simmer just until the skins begin to split on the beans, a little over 2 hours.
5. Meanwhile roast the chiles. There are lots of ways to do this: you can broil them in the oven or char them over a gas stove. (Here's a resource) I grilled mine outside over medium heat (you could try one of these fancy pepper roasters). It took 12-15 minutes total, turning the chiles every 5 minutes or so. However you choose to do it, just make sure that the skins get nice and black. Afterward make sure you steam them for at least 20 minutes. You can do this by placing a bowl over a plate of hot chilies (with no escape for steam), closing them in a bag, or putting plastic over the bowl they are in.
6. Once steamed, the skins should be very easy to remove. Slit the pepper open once it is skinned and remove the stem and seeds.
7. Chop the peppers into bite-sized pieces.
8. Once the beans have split, add the roasted chilies, chopped tomatoes, salt, and bouillon.
9. Continue cooking until the beans are very tender and fully cooked (they should not taste at all chalky), about 30 minutes.
10. Add more salt and pepper to taste. Happy souping!

Slow Cooker Instructions:

1. After adding the garlic in step 3 above, transfer to a crock pot. Add the water and beans. Cook on low for 8-10 hours.
2. One hour before you want to eat, add the remaining ingredients.

by The Food Charlatan

Recipe Notes

*Original recipe calls for peeling the tomatoes but I was too lazy.

All images and text © The Food Charlatan

If you make this recipe, share it on Instagram using the hashtag #TheFoodCharlatan so I can see it!

My newborn’s social security card came in the mail, and I promptly signed it. There is an instruction at the top that says, “Adults: sign this card in ink immediately.” I was congratulating myself for being so obedient (I’m a born rule-follower) but then I kept reading. “Children: Do not sign this card until age 18.” I realized that I am not the adult this card was talking to. I should have left it blank.

A couple days later Eric was going through our filing cabinet and showed me that I also signed the social security cards for two of our other kids. So apparently I’ve been an idiot for several years, it’s not just a recent thing. How did I ever get through college?? I will pay penance by sitting on hold with the social security office for hours on end, I’m sure.

My mom made me feel better by sending me a few online forums where other Idiots of America talk about having done the same thing. It helped. I know my people. (more…)

Originally posted on August 1, 2012. I updated the photos, recipe, and commentary on February 28, 2020. 

My newborn baby boy is 2 months old now and I haven’t forgotten him anywhere yet, not once. Can I get a high five or what? Tell me you moms out there can relate! Adding a whole other human to your list of things to remember about is hard enough, but putting a sleep deprived person in charge is asking a lot. It’s a miracle our species has survived, honestly. There is a reason Home Alone was such a hit. Every mom’s worst fear!

I remember the first time we forgot about Charlotte, our oldest. She was just a few weeks old. Eric and I went to a church barbecue and brought the carseat along so that she would have a place to nap. Nap she did, and first Eric wandered off to chat with a friend across the way, and then eventually I went to grab some food and joined him.

A few minutes went by and suddenly I looked at Eric and realized that he didn’t have the baby, and I didn’t have the baby, WHERE is the baby?? We rushed back (we were only 30 feet away) and a friend of ours had noticed her fussing and picked her up. It takes a village, right?

And here we are, 4 kids later. Haven’t lost a single one, thankyouverymuch (permanently). Edison is starting to chill out a bit, which is so nice. If you’ve ever had a newborn before, you know how those first few weeks go. I told my friend Jen the other day, people are starting to not feel sorry for me anymore, so I guess that means I better start picking up with Real Life (instead of pretending I’m a vampire who never emerges from the house.)

Here are my boys, Truman and Edison. Edison is about 10 and 1/2 pounds now. He’s just a little guy I guess, the doctors aren’t worried. Can you believe he is exactly the weight I was when I was born? My poor mother. You are a saint. I can’t even imagine having a baby this big!!

(more…)

Originally posted January 27, 2017

Eric and I just had this moment standing a few feet away from each other, looking into each other’s eyes with small smiles. The baby just barely stopped crying and is finally in the crib, I’m about to start working on this blog post you’re reading, and he’s heading to bed at 11:53 after we finished our episode of Friday Night Lights. A typical weeknight evening.

I think we’re having this silent moment of like, I don’t know, mutual gratitude for another day lived together, or a loving look of “well done today,” or maybe a “you can do it.” I’m thinking that he’s probably feeling guilty that he’s going to bed when the baby will likely wake up again soon, and I still have a long way to go on this post, and I’m feeling like he shouldn’t feel guilty at all, but it’s definitely nice to be worried about.

Then he squints and is like, “I can tell you’re smiling, but I don’t have my glasses on so I’m not sure if this is like an ironic smile or a normal smile, or really just what’s going on with your face right now.” I laughed so hard. So much for reading that man’s face.

(more…)

We heard a giant crash and a scream last night. I ran into the room to find my 3-year-old daughter Valentine buried under the dresser. The scariest moment as a parent, right?? She is okay, just a scrape and maybe some light emotional scarring. Just kidding! I’m sure she will forget about it soon, I hope?? Eric has since bolted the dresser to the wall. There are so many things to feel anxious or guilty about as a parent, but not having the dresser bolted wasn’t even on the list!

I’ve spent the last couple days reading my mom’s journal from when she was about my age: she had just had her fifth baby (me!) and I’ve just had my fourth, and our days are spent corralling children. It’s actually not a journal, it’s a bunch of letters sent to her best friend, who had just moved far away. Because let’s be real, moms with 4 or 5 kids don’t have time to journal!

It is shocking how similar our problems, successes, struggles, and joys are. I guess motherhood is motherhood, right? If we went back 500 years would it read the same? My mom just finished telling the story about how she was carrying a pot of boiling potatoes to the sink to drain it, and ran into my brother, who was 4. Can you imagine accidentally spilling boiling water all over your son?? Gah! It makes me feel a little better about not having the dresser bolted.

Here are a few excerpts from her letters, in italics. You moms will be able to relate:

Yesterday I got in a huge fight with my oldest, took away $5 that I owed him, and now I can’t remember the slightest detail.  This led, of course, to the conclusion that I’m a worthless, inconsistent parent prone to hysterics.  So what else is new, huh? (“Prone to hysterics” sounds familiar. Like mother like daughter!)

(more…)

Our neighbor’s little daughter was over playing today, and during a quiet moment she came up to me and asked, “Did you fix the baby?”

I guess she thought my 7-week-old newborn was broken because of all the crying. The peace and quiet sure is nice, right? Wouldn’t it be great if we could just give him new batteries or fiddle with a screwdriver to fix him up and make all that noise stop?? It would be so much easier than breastfeeding!

Speaking of breastfeeding, a few hours later our daughter Valentine was bragging to Eric, “Sometimes my mom lets me breastfeed!”

“Oh really? What do you breastfeed with?” She said, “A bottle of course!” Proper baby-feeding terminology is a bit much to ask a 3-year-old, I guess.

Well, love is in the air my friends! Valentine’s Day festivities are in full swing over here. Not only do we have a daughter named Valentine (who was born in November), we have a different daughter who’s birthday is near Valentine’s Day. We did this because we like to confuse everyone. Just kidding! It’s just the way it all worked out! Charlotte and Valentine were the two girl names we picked out before we were even married.

But because we have a birthday party to organize on top of all the valentines and treats to arrange for class parties, things get pretty crazy around here this time of year!

(more…)